Singles life: Birds of a Feather
By Gail Simons
Special to The Jewish State
Who says you have to stay with your own flock? I have recently noticed that my relationships with my married friends
are on the wane. I considered some of these people close friends for a long time, and although I am still fond of them,
it appears that, as their lives change, so do their social relationships.
The other day
I was talking to Jenna, my former best friend and college roommate. We were having a great conversation and becoming
reacquainted again after having not talked for several weeks. Then all of a sudden, it was deja vu all over again.
Right in the throws of telling her an hysterical story, I heard a door open and shut in the background. And then, my
friend interrupted me.
"Oh, Jake
just came home," she quickly said. "Listen, we're going to sit down for dinner. I'll call you later." Click.
It's not like
she called me back later that night, either. She usually takes a few days to get back to me. This left me wondering:
what happened to our former relationship where we used to talk for hours each day?
I've
certainly maintained some close relationships with friends who are now otherwise involved. We make a strong effort to
keep up with our friendship despite our difference in social status. We make time for shopping, lunch and dinner. On
the other hand, these relationships seem to be the exception and not the norm.
Of course,
lives do change and with that comes different stages of life that we all pass through. However, it's important not to
forget your old friends -- single or not. Having a diverse set of friends in various stages of life is healthy.
Similarly, having friends with similar interests and current experiences is important.
Randi wrote
to tell me of a recent event.
"I was at
lunch with one of my friends who has been dating this new guy for several months. At one point, she answered her cell
phone, and I couldn't help hearing her plans for a dinner party the next evening. When I asked her what that was
about, she explained that her boyfriend and she started a dinner party with two other couples. And that they take
turns hosting dinners."
"At first I
felt really hurt and excluded, but then I realized these couple friends probably have more in common with each other
versus their single friends. I started to imagine how a married couple with kids at home would feel hanging out at a
dance club (meat market) or singles party with my posse!"
That's the
sort of stuff sitcoms are made of. It would be like a cross between the television shows "Blind Date" and "Trading
Spouses!"
The drift
apart sometimes reverses itself. Recently, an old friend of mine, Lauren, separated from her husband. In college
Lauren and I had been close; however, marriage, children and family responsibilities limited our interaction over
the years. Now all of a sudden, it's as if Lauren is my best friend. She no longer feels comfortable around her
(and her estranged husband's) couple friends and is reaching out to her old single friends again.
At some
point in our lives, all of us are going to experience some shifting in our relationships. We'll make some new friends
and we'll drift apart from some old friends. I think it's a natural process. But even though some of us may feel left
out, a true friend will always find a way to make a connection despite their marital status. Strong friendships have
history and aren't based on who you are in a relationship with or if you are married or not. 