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1. I have an ailing mother. Is it kosher to put her in a nursing home?

Although most adult children would prefer to have a parent who can no longer take care of himself in a home care situation, sometimes it is simply not possible. According to the Code of Jewish Law (Yoreh Deah, chapter 240), if a child's parents become mentally ill, he should try his best to help them according to their needs until improvement is vouchsafed. If their condition becomes impossible to him, he places them in the hands of those who can properly care for them.

In modern times, this ruling would suggest that children first try to care for parents on their own and, if necessary, with outside help. When that is not possible, they should hire others to serve as primary caretakers. Sending a parent to live in an old age home should be only the final step, never the first one. Very often, depending on the health of the elderly parent, a nursing home is much better equipped to care for his or her needs.

The real problem regarding an aged parent who needs more extreme health care is having adequate insurance and being able to afford it. Once a parent is placed in the care of a nursing home, it is important to follow through to be sure that he or she is getting the proper medical, social, and psychological care. This requires being attentive, being an advocate, intervening frequently, supervising, and just taking the time and energy to make sure that everything is OK.

2. How does God grade us?

If God were to give us grades, it would be according to our deeds. The more we reflect upon the principles that God represents, the higher will be the grades in our own eyes, in the eyes of others, and hopefully in the God's eyes as well. If you were to live a life filled with justice, kindness, and humility, I believe you would get very high grades indeed.

3. Where do people go after they die?

Jewish tradition provides a spectrum of options to examine in this area. In Jewish tradition, the afterlife is generally couched in the framework of "olam haba" (literally, the world to come). For Jews who adhere to a belief in the afterlife, one's soul continues on beyond death. Others find meaning in the idea that life beyond death is found in the hearts, minds, and beings of the living. That is to say, in life we affect people, and when we die those effects still remain. For my detailed information about all of this you might want to find and read my book "The Jewish Way of Death and Dying," which has a section on the Jewish afterlife and its views.

Rabbi Ron Isaacs is the spiritual leader of Temple Sholom, a Conservative congregation in Bridgewater. His forthcoming new book is "Siddur Or Shalom," a Shabbat morning prayerbook. Contact him at www.rabbiron.com or "Ask the Rabbi," c/o Rabbi Ron Isaacs, Temple Sholom, P.O. Box 6007, Bridgewater, N.J. 08807.