![]() Singles Life: The questions we ask prospective dates
Dana Greene SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH STATE July 17, 2009
He's an attractive, athletic, tall Jewish male with Germanic features, and he can't find that special woman. An attorney by profession, with a knack for carpentry, Javan has turned to online dating as another outlet to meeting his potential bride. Being Jewish, but not yet affiliated with the San Diego Jewish community, he decided to try JDate.com. After Javan finds a woman's computer profile interesting, he makes contact. Once that happens, and she responds, he'll ask for her phone number. "Rarely do I give out my number. Not because of any safety issue, but for two distinct reasons. First, I believe most men just make a contact and want the phone number." He has another reason for not giving out his phone number as well. "I am able to discern much from a woman by what she writes," Javan said. "Writing is much more personal than conversation. I truly believe people can fake conversation. For instance, I knew many salespeople when I worked for Kyocera Wireless. The people who presented themselves when they were 'on' (in front of clients) weren't nearly the people who I interacted with on a daily basis. It was a split personality thing. Of course, people may hide behind a computer screen, but I think a certain core personality comes through in writing," he added. "Finally, I don't give out my number because, quite frankly, I don't want to be like every other guy. My friend Kari, who turned me on to JDate, corresponds with men on JDate. They leave their numbers, and voila, a date is scheduled. To date, she has not met anyone of substance. I believe email acts as another screening device." Should he actually obtain a phone number from a woman, that's where he says the fun begins. "If the voice is acceptable, the phone conversation turns into 100 questions. This is great for me, because I'm inquisitive by nature. Therefore I'll ask many things on varied subjects. If the answers are curt and disinterested, I know I'm not getting through. If she is curt, but genuinely answers questions, I know I'm speaking to a guarded woman. And that doesn't bother me," Javan said. When it is her turn to ask questions, Javan says, that's when he can tell if she is interested in him. "I've had conversations where I feel I've conducted a full hour of 'Larry King Live.' At that point I ask if there is anything she would like to know. Once, a girl said, 'not really' and without missing a beat I said 'great, well it's been interesting listening to you tonight, have a great evening'," Javan said. Here's a good question to ask: "Do you rent or own?" Simple enough, but it really relates to the green. It's truly not a question of whether you believe the real estate market is a good thing to do with your money. It's better than "How much money do you make" -- one among many questionable questions Javan's been asked. Women want to know who they're dating and where a man is in his life. Some women are at certain points in their lives where they just don't want to waste time with men who don't have their acts together. They're searching for that special man and they know certain qualities that are important to them. Jewish women are probably more aggressive when compared with Christian women. They have higher expectations to meet. However, men are guilty of asking suspicious questions as well. "By the time you engage in the phone conversation, Javan says, males might have a mental picture of the woman on the other end of the line. Although there are actual pictures of that person included with the profile, photos can be misleading. We are all skeptical, therefore, a couple of follow up questions to verify never hurts," he acknowledges. Javan, you have an interesting take. I certainly hope most women aren't as you perceive them to be. However, women are shopping when they're looking for a mate. There's no excuse for bad behavior, but that's what dating is all about -- finding out what qualities you want and don't want in a companion. Don't give up. The right woman is out there searching for you too. All singles have a story to tell. What's yours? Dana Greene is an award-winning national syndicated columnist based in San Diego. You can contact her at danagreene1@yahoo.com. |