Observances & Rituals:
Sharing the journey on-line

By Lauren Matthew
The Jewish State

Sometimes I forget I'm not the only one.

I have an online journal, and I've had it since around fall of 2001. I've kept updating it, fairly regularly, and it's interesting to me now to look back at the girl I was and compare her to the woman I am now.

The site I use for my journal, livejournal.com, allows anyone with a registered journal to join groups, usually based around similar interests, that allow all involved to post in a common forum. I belong to a group for Jews-by-choice.

I don't think I've posted there often, but now and then, I get a chance to read what people like me are going through--in their own words--and now and then, I get a chance to help them.

People belonging to this group encompass much of the spectrum of Judaism; there are posts ranging from Reconstructionist opinions on mourning to Orthodox explanations of Halaka. The forum isn't limited to just the U.S., either--there are posts from all over the world (a recent, very touching entry detailed someone's first visit to a Chabad shul in Christchuch, New Zealand).

The forum is a support network; it's here that a lot of people who are converting or have already converted come to discuss issues unique to their situation. During December, posts are innumerable.

My first entry was met with nothing but words of encouragement: "Welcome home" was one reply.

"This is not as uncommon as you would think," wrote a girl from Santa Fe. "When I turned 21 my mother said, 'Happy Birthday! You're Jewish!' (Well, the conversation took longer than that, but that was the gist of it.) Quite a shock. So, I'd love to talk to you more and give you some help getting through the maze of what's to come."

She was right. There are a lot of people out there, just like me. It's a comfort; I don't have practicing Jewish family, and neither do any of them. We're in this together.

"Oh, honey," another woman wrote, "This is so weird. You just told me my entire life story! Welcome to the tribe!"

The longer I've been reading all of this, the more I've found I can actually contribute. Constructively. People ask all the time which first steps were taken into Judaism, and into keeping kosher. Retelling what I did, simple as it is, makes a difference I didn't really imagine it could. Even things that I take for granted now, and consider part of my basic knowledge, have been helpful.

"So last year I did the first night Seder at my place, with family and friends," a girl posted, slightly before Pesach. "This year, my boss (I work for a Jewish organization) sent around an email, making sure everyone had somewhere to go. I received the email today, and I've been placed with an Orthodox family for the evening. Help! What do I expect? I've always been in the Reform milieu-- what do I wear? Will the Haggadah be all Hebrew? Anything else I should know?"

I answered her. More importantly, I realized I could answer her. The first thing I told her was not to arrive hungry, since seders tend to be lengthy. Then I told her the following:

#1) Relax! You are going to have fun! This will be a great educational experience, and you'll get yummy food... that's the best kind of learning for sure!

#5) A lot of families recline to the right while they eat at the seder - peek at everyone else and see what they are doing.

Two years ago, I didn't even know what the Haggadah was.

Another great benefit of the site is that forum members, once they've completed their conversions, tend to post entries regarding the overall experience. One woman, who finished her conversion process in Israel, with her young, adopted daughter, wrote about the entire mikveh process. (Her daughter, incidentally, did not like "being dunked like oreos" into the water).

Some days are easier than others. Explaining to my older sister why I can't drive to her birthday party on a Saturday is tough.

Keeping track of other people in my situation makes things much easier. I feel understood, completely.