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ShidduchVision aims to remove first-date obstacles

Seth Mandel
THE JEWISH STATE
July 31, 2009

While the modern Jewish world doesn't subscribe to the ethos of "marriages of convenience," the idea of a shidduch by convenience -- setting up a blind date based on the location or schedule of the participants -- is much more common.

Jeff Cohn, founder of Make a Shidduch Foundation, is attempting to make that unnecessary with his latest project: ShidduchVision.

"Many suggestions for a shidduch, as fine as the suggestion may be, are deflected due to distance, time constraints, or disruptions to work or study," Cohn told The Jewish State via email. "ShidduchVision allows for a couple to at least 'test the waters' and meaningfully interact at a distance. And, if they feel encouraged by the experience, they will consider a trip and a meeting in person."

ShidduchVision will enable two prospective daters to meet through a video conference -- more personal than a phone conversation, but without having to, for example, cross state lines on the whim of their shadchan.

Cohn doesn't go so far as to characterize the current spate of shidduch challenges in the Orthodox world as a "crisis," but he did say that a large number of singles -- more of them women than men -- are looking to marry but remain single.

"The cause or causes are widely -- and wildly -- speculated about by some," Cohn said. "What's most likely, though, is that the simple growth of the community, coupled with a differential in age at which young men and young women begin dating, has naturally yielded the challenge we face."

The cost per session is $18 for each participant, and Chicago and Baltimore will be the first cities in which the program will be operational, within the next few weeks, Cohn expects. (Those two cities are the first in which sponsors have signed on.)

The program uses high speed T-1 data lines, and the company will be creating its own private network with a Virtual Private Network (VPN), which uses the lion's share of the six weeks it takes to get the program up and running after a sponsor signs on.

Cohn said the reaction has been enthusiastic.

"The calls and emails having been flowing fast and furious from people all over asking what they need to do to have a ShidduchVision studio launched in their area," Cohn said. "Everyone is thrilled because now, instead of turning down proposed shidduchim where the other person is at a distance, singles can actually better explore such possibilities in a controlled private and very professional setting, and, if they feel a meeting in person is warranted, make the trip!"

Until the computerized reservation system is functional, Cohn said shadchanim will contact a designated representative, who will then confirm the appointment with the hosts and then again with the shadchan. Once the fee is collected, the "singles," as Cohn refers to them, will receive a reservation number.

Cohn said the host will also require a valid I.D. from each single, and will verify each has arrived at his or her session location. The host will then initiate the session, leave the room, and close the door behind them. Each shidduch session lasts 50 minutes, and Cohn said each shadchan can schedule up to three ShidduchVision sessions for each couple.

"If the singles wish to continue getting to know each other after three ShidduchVision meetings, it is time for their shadchan to arrange for them to meet face to face," Cohn said.

Singles can even test the system for free by speaking to a same-gender friend using the ShidduchVision program.

Cohn received rabbinic approval for the program, but said he didn't have to change the plans to gain the rabbis' nod. Rather, he convened focus groups and asked for input from various sources, shaping the program to the community's wants and needs, creating a program that has yet to be the target of concerns or cold feet on the part of the Jewish community.

"So we were pleased -- but not surprised -- to receive approval for the program from respected rabbinic leaders," he said.

Another aspect of the project is using modern technology to help solve religious problems. Cohn said he once took his son, Gobbie, to the "Siyum HaShas" at Madison Square Garden. There, instead of posting scores, the giant screen above the floor reminded the siyum attendees that it was Rosh Chodesh, and they should add Ya'aleh v'Yavo to their prayers.

"Harnessing technology to serve Judaism and Jews is part of what observant Jews do," Cohn said. "What creates shidduchim is concern for the singles among us, not any technology. But if some technological advance can allow us to translate concern for singles into actual marriages, it's something we must take advantage of."

Cohn encourages anyone looking to help make shidduchim to check out the Make a Shidduch Foundation's Web site, makeashidduch.org, where they can order the free book "Shidduchim 101" and read common questions and practical answers vis-a-vis matchmaking. The book is near the end of its first printing, and the organization is looking for sponsors for a second printing.