Young man faces challenge of bar mitzvah

Story and Photos by Sarah Morrison

The Jewish State

It was a special day for a special man.

After months of carefully preparing, Seth Shaffer became a member of the adult Jewish community as he was called to the Torah as a bar mitzvah on June 30.

But Seth is no ordinary man. Seth is a 31-year-old who was born with Cerebral Palsy, a condition that severely affects his physical movement. Although doctors told his parents that he would never walk or talk, he defeated the odds. He speaks well and can walk with the aid of a walker.

The temple where Seth had his bar mitzvah, Temple Beth O'r/Beth Torah, Clark, is no ordinary temple, either. The temple's men's club runs an award-winning program which brings mentally disabled citizens from nearby group homes to monthly temple services. The program, which began over 30 years ago, currently features 16 to 18 disabled adults and has prepared several mentally challenged adults for their bar and bat mitzvahs.

"We found out about the program through the Association of Retarded Citizens (ARC), which runs Seth's group home," said Seth's father, Martin Shaffer. "Seth's mother passed away four years ago. When she passed away, Seth was placed in group housing in Fanwood. Part of the routine was going to church, but we preferred that Seth goes to Synagogue. I asked if there was some way to makes other arrangements for Seth. Six to nine months later, ARC got Seth involved in Temple Beth O'r/Beth Torah's program."

"I decided to have my bar mitzvah quite suddenly," Seth said. "One Friday night, my driver to synagogue asked me if I wanted to have a bar mitzvah. It was such an innocent question and it struck me by surprise. I just said, 'sure!' and it all went from there."

"He came up with this idea all by himself," Shaffer said proudly. "The speech and the preparing was all his doing, with the help of his tutor, Dr. Michael Miller, and Rabbi Michael Klayman."

Until ARC's program, Seth had not much contact with a synagogue and was very excited to be part of the services, and essentially to be part of a congregation.

"I finally had the opportunity to belong," Seth said. "Having a bar mitzvah was a way for me to become part of a community and I cannot wait for it. I'm not nervous at all. I'm actually very excited."

During last Thursday's bar mitzvah rehearsal, Seth recited every blessing with concentration and intensity and took every step carefully. He stumbled over the Hebrew words a few times, but with Miller's patience and Rabbi Klayman's guidance, Seth did wonderfully. The smile never left his face throughout the entire rehearsal. His motivation and desire to become a bar mitzvah radiated from his face.

Along with the recitations of blessings and receiving an Aliyah, Seth made a moving and inspiring speech about his struggles with lessons he learned from his Bar mitzvah portion, Balak.

In Balak, the wicked Bilam tries to curse the Jews, but his curse turns into a blessing.

"The Torah reading teaches us how sometimes in life, we are given something which seems like a curse, but which can be turned into a blessing," Seth read. "Take me for example. I was born with Cerebral Palsy. My parents were told that I would never walk or talk. My father always said that 'Rome wasn't built in a day,' and that is what he taught me. Together with my parents, I practiced speaking and walking. Sometimes, I had to have difficult operations [he has had several surgeries to make movement easier], but through it all, I remained hopeful and kept trying. The result is I can walk with the help of a walker and I certainly can talk!"

His mother's passing was additional motivation for Seth to have his bar mitzvah.

"While I miss her terribly, I have become stronger and more independent since her passing. I have accomplished many things, including making my bar mitzvah," Seth said.

At the end of his speech, Seth thanked his father and stepmother, Myra; Dr. Miller; Rabbi Klayman; the Men's Club, for maintaining the Special Adults program; his group home supervisors; and Mr. and Mrs. Kolker, who drive him to services.

Just like God turned Bilam's curse against Israel into a blessing, Seth turned his "curse" of Cerebral Palsy into a blessing--something that strengthened this gregarious and talkative man's spirit and taught him to see the glass as half-full.

"Seth has the same wants and needs as anybody else," Shaffer said. "He just moves funny."

Seth's bar mitzvah was much more than a service, a kiddush, and a party. It was an achievement that proved to the world that he had faced adversity and beaten the odds-- and can still be like any ordinary man.