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Kosher cheese walks the red carpet

Elizabeth Bland
THE JEWISH STATE
June 5, 2009

Often kosher cheese is shunned as being lackluster or commodity, but at least once a year -- at least -- these proudly hechshered and sometimes high-maintenance dairy stars find themselves basking in the spotlight. The Shavuot holiday brings kosher cheeses to the forefront of the retail shelves, and as tikkun leyl Shavuot bleeds into dawn -- and the coffee and cheesecake both begin to sag -- cravings for feisty cheeses ignite.

Neither the Jewish world nor the dairy world was built on one type of persona. Below is a premium guest list of celebrity Jewish cheese personalities. Which would you invite to your all-night Torah study? And why not bring them all?

'It's like buttah!'

Barbara Streisand, beyond her decades-established fame, was further immortalized in Mike Myers' Saturday Night Live spoof based on his real-life Jewish mother-in-law, Linda Richman. His character, obsessed with Streisand, always described her in terms of dairy -- from Streisand's voice ("like buttah") to her fine legs in sparkly stockings (also "like buttah.") Streisand soon became a staple of butter terminology.

No dairy celebration would be complete without a spread of quality kosher butter topped off by a layer of Israeli fruit preserves. Especially nice are those from Aunt Berta's fruit farm on Mount Carmel. They will add new notes to your buttered scones, and leave you as farklempt as Linda Richman.

KISS the book

Jews are known as "people of the book." Onlookers may not understand the Jewish custom of kissing books, but could this practice somehow relate to 1970s rock? And cheese? The band KISS is headed by two Jews -- Gene Simmons (né Chaim Witz in Israel) and Paul Stanley (born Stanley Eisen in Manhattan.) Once in the United States, Simmons changed his name and taught himself English by watching television and reading science fiction comics. The rest of KISS is history. Gene Simmons matches best with Sugar River Cheese's Cheddar with Chipotle from Wisconsin; it's metallic, bloody, and ripped. OK and CRC kosher.

Paul Stanley's personality gravitates toward Barkanit's "California" goat cheese from Israel. This 100-percent goat's milk cheese is covered with a light mold and studded with real California walnuts. It is subtle, yet compelling. Is it masculine or feminine? The name obscures its Israeli origin, but it is Jewish through and through. OU and Cholov Yisroel.

Cranberries are a girl's best friend

Many Hollywood starlets converted to Judaism. Among the most famous are Elizabeth Taylor and Marilyn Monroe. Both of these ladies reveled in silk, satin, and jewels on the set, but their personal lives demanded equally exotic cuisine. In honor of divas, Canada has come to the rescue with a line of fruited goat cheeses by Celebrity International. Mirroring Marilyn's infamous hot pink satin evening gown and diamonds, Celebrity offers a cranberry-studded goat's milk cheese. It is petite, festive, and delicious with champagne -- and the requisite jewels.

Elizabeth Taylor's dark hair and long eyelashes bring to mind sultry, intoxicating flavors -- a tipsy rum raisin goat cheese with a tangy edge suits her well. All Celebrity International cheeses are CRC kosher.

Deep roots

Sammy Davis Jr.'s ties to Judaism run through massive blue-veined crevices. Besides being a member of the regal rat pack -- a group that surely indulged in fine food and drink -- Davis converted to Judaism. During the racially charged 1950s, he suffered a near-fatal automobile accident. As he recovered in his hospital bed, his friend, Eddie Cantor, described the similarities between Jewish and black cultures and the endurance that both peoples shared. This revelation led Davis to a life of knowing that "the Jews would not die" because of their unwavering spirit.

The ideal cheese for Davis would be kosher Danablu, a complex, blue-veined Danish cow's milk delicacy. This cheese is produced on the island of Funen, which boasts one of Denmarks's most spectacular views. Blue cheeses were born through turmoil. Challenged by haphazard mold, they nevertheless grew in popularity. Kirkeby Sol Danablu is certified by the Kosher Federation of the Bet Din of London and is Cholov Yisroel.

The Underground goes kosher

Lou Reed, the frontrunner of the 1960s band Velvet Underground and current musical icon, is a cheesy Jew not to be reckoned with. Reed was born as Lewis Allan Reed in Brooklyn in 1942. Not only has Reed toyed with gender boundaries and avant-garde music, he also underwent a horrific series of electroshock treatment in his younger years to cure him of his genius. While this treatment of the human body is unappetizing, a kosher cheese set to flame can be quite interesting. Gad Dairy of Israel makes a "Syrian cheese," ready to fry. It is a Halloumi-style sheep's milk cheese with a firm, springy texture suitable for frying or flambeing, Greek Saganaki-style. Instead of melting when cooked, it browns on the edges and is delicious served with olive oil and antipasto vegetables such as cherry tomatoes, gherkin, and olives. Gad Dairy's products have two kashrus licenses: Mehadrin Badtaz through Rabbi Rubin and OK. All are Cholov Yisroel.

Painter of goats

Lastly, as we relish the varied kosher dairy of Shavuot, keep in mind the images of Marc Chagall, modernist Russian-born French painter of the 1900s. The art critic Robert Hughes has called him "the quintessential Jewish artist of the 20th century." Is it any coincidence that he favored the artwork of goats? Did he fancy Loire Valley chèvre? Capricious and persistent, his brightly colored goats still stand strong.

On the dairy plate this season and beyond, savor all the flavors of the homeland as well as those of the new world -- and those to come. Kosher cheeses today are ready to strut. Give them a boa and they'll work the floor! And they'll talk. After all, every cheese has a story.

Elizabeth Bland is a contributing writer for The Jewish State and the paper's resident cheese connoisseur.