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The kid does something unthinkable. "Wait till your father gets home," says the mother, who has no idea how to handle the situation.

The father gets home, and guess what? He has no idea either, but he has to give the impression that he is in control of the situation. So he rants and raves and says, "You're grounded. Go to your room." (This is a punishment? In that room are a computer, television, CD player, telephone, cell phone and a tropical fish tank the size of a refrigerator. But dad has to do something, doesn't he?)

From the beginning of his fatherhood, a man must act as if he has all the answers, even if he doesn't. When the little bundle of joy is brought home from the hospital, he hasn't got a clue about how to take care of it. He becomes a "go-fer" for a while, running errands and getting together whatever necessities his wife requests.

As the saying goes, "little children, little problems, big children, big problems." He handles the early stuff well enough, but just when he thinks he is at ease with fatherhood, the big problems come up, the ones he could not have imagined. Like what? Like the following stories I heard from fathers I know.

What do you do when the high school principal calls to tell you that your child has found a way to hack into the school's computer files? "My child would never do a thing like that," the father says to the principal, but the fact remains that the kid did it. It was merely intellectual curiosity, but it had to be dealt with.

What do you do when you discover that your son -- who has no driver's license -- has taken your car, at night, on the Long Island Expressway, without his glasses, with a girl in the car?

How do you handle a New Year's Eve like this: It was a hectic celebration and, afterward, your sons had a bunch of teenagers staying over. You peek into their rooms in the morning to take a head count so that you know how many breakfast bagels to buy. As you count sleeping heads in the first son's room, a girl's head pops up in the bed with your son. Oops! You back out and try the other son's room. Again you start counting and, in the bed with this son, a girl's head pops up. Excuse me! Now what?

What should you do when you are home alone with the kids and your little son gets his finger caught under the door between two rooms? Do you call the police, the fire department or what?

What if your child drops out of an Ivy League college to join the circus?

What is your response when you leave grandparents in charge of your kids while you are on vacation and come home to find that your daughter has used this opportunity to date the only boy you have forbidden her to see?

What happens when, after much pleading by your children, you consent to host a bunch of visiting USY (United Synagogue Youth) teens who are in town to attend a Kinnus at your synagogue for a weekend? You wake up on Sunday morning to discover that one of your guests is missing!

Nobody trains a father for such dilemmas. Whether he is a high-powered corporate executive, a doctor, a salesman, a farmer or a taxi driver, he has to take a stand, make a decision, and seem to know the right answers. He knows that he is not wise as Solomon on these matters, so what does he do? He prays for divine guidance and then he acts.

Much later he will know if he did a good job.

How will he know? When he sees how the child turned out, he will know. He will see the kind of person he has nurtured. When a child starts a Civil Liberties Club in his school so that he may help the people of Darfur, or a child grows up to volunteer as a bone marrow donor for a perfect stranger, or a boy spends part of his summer vacation working with Habitat for Humanity, a father can be sure that he did something right. When his lawyer daughter does pro bono work for the poor, when his son uses his annual vacation to go to Kenya with a group to build a church, he can be proud to say that he has made decisions that nurtured children who try to make the world a better place.

Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful fathers out there!

Toby Rosenstrauch, an award-winning columnist, lives in Boynton Beach, Fla.