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We walked arm in arm through the high-priced shops on that lovely Sunday afternoon.

Usually we frequented yard sales, big rummage sales, and the like, but on that sunny Sunday we felt like going where the rich folks made their classy purchases. As we walked out of one of the many trendy boutiques chatting how neither of us would be able to justify spending $85 for a simple top, my friend Marie casually stated that the kinds of people who would think nothing of spending that amount would be some Jewish doctor's wife who had nothing else to do but shop and spend her husband's money.

That remark was the very first negative comment I heard from Marie about Jews, and it turned out to be one of many I would hear. Being a Jewish woman myself, and certainly not a stranger to these types of remarks, I was astonished that a close friend would say such a thing. She chuckled slightly and simply stated this fact very nonchalantly as if it were well known to everyone.

I was so shocked that I basically froze on the spot. I recall that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, that same sickening sensation I would get when I heard all the other anti-Jewish comments in places where I previously lived. But that was in North Carolina, Texas, and Arizona, where Jewish populations were relatively sparse. Not in the New York metro area, and not from my good friend Marie.

Marie and I had grown closer with each yard sale we attended, talking about our lives, unfulfilled dreams, men we knew along the road of life, some of our missed opportunities and what could have been. And laughter -- there was always much laughter that filled our time together. After her first comment about Jews, I was very on-guard with Marie, as I had been with other former friends who also thought nothing of exposing their hatred toward Jews in my presence. After the initial remark, I began to hear her refer to Jewish women as JAPS, a word that I have unfortunately heard wherever I have lived before (other than in Tel-Aviv of course!)

After a while, I was occasionally able to determine when the next anti-Jewish comment would be ready to flow out of her mouth, and I would hurriedly blurt out, "please don't say that." Of course, it didn't stop the comment from being stated. Not only was the JAP word used, but she would also advise me about someone else's poor behavior in a certain situation and then simply state "oh, they must be part Jewish." Each time I would cringe at the thought that my good friend was indeed a Jew-hater. I had no idea. I started to make excuses not to get together rather than deal head-on with this situation. Finally, I knew that I had to deal with Marie's prejudice. Never before had I confronted someone about their anti-Jewish prejudice, and it was time to do so.

Since confrontation is definitely not an easy thing for me, as with many people, I sent a short email to Marie describing her behavior and how I couldn't continue being friends with someone who had a problem with Jews. I didn't answer the ringing phone that evening, but her message of course stated she was sorry and never meant to hurt me and that our friendship meant too much to her to end it this way. What else could she say?

Eventually we agreed to meet, which we did on a brisk Saturday morning at a coffee shop where neither of us ordered coffee, or anything else. She was visibly nervous upon arrival and, after the standard greetings, I simply asked her what her problem was with Jewish people. She immediately told me she had searched her soul and could not come up with any kind of dislike within her toward Jews. She proceeded to tell me of all her many Jewish friends which, of course, we all know has no bearing whatsoever if one is prejudiced.

I asked her why she referred to so many Jewish women as JAPS, to which she replied that it had to do with a certain level of wealth. I told her that she was sitting across from a Jewish woman who didn't have money, my parents had no money, and their parents had no money; did she actually think all Jews are loaded with money? She listened, and then stated that she shouldn't have called these Jewish women JAPS -- she should have only called them "princesses." Oy vey. She didn't get it.

Marie then asked me if I consider myself a Jewish woman. I stated that I was a woman who happened to be born Jewish. She then asked me about my nationality and I replied that my father was born in Warsaw and I was first generation American. She stated that meant I was really Polish. I said I was Jewish and didn't consider myself Polish. A bit arrogantly she stated that she was of Italian descent and a Roman Catholic, but she didn't consider her heritage to be Catholic. I told her that this was a subject that had been discussed and debated for years by scholars and rabbis and still is being discussed: is being Jewish a religion or an entire culture?

I was very upset that she tried to turn this around to being "my problem" by feeling so Jewish that those comments she made shouldn't have bothered me so much since I was really just a Polish woman.

My insides were shaking sitting across from someone I considered a good friend who couldn't even admit to me that she did have some problem with Jews. I honestly would have preferred to get to the bottom of her prejudice instead of her denial of any hatred against Jews. In my opinion, anyone who would make so many anti-Semitic comments must have prejudice within themselves or these comments would not be made.

I asked Marie why in the world she would choose to make these comments to me in particular, since she claimed not to do this with her other many Jewish friends. Her reply still puzzles me. She said there was a certain lightness about me and she thought of me as such a free spirit that she thought it would be OK. Actually, I believe there was no thought whatsoever involved. I still have no idea what that response even meant, nor did I really care at that point in our conversation.

Marie commented that she recalled only two incidents when she made such statements -- a huge understatement, believe me -- and wanted to be sure I realized that she prefaced each of them with "excuse me for the comment, but...". I guess this made it acceptable in her eyes. Was she kidding me?

I met with Marie to discuss her prejudice for my own benefit. I also did it for all of the other Jews as well who have heard these revolting comments and never spoke up. Marie has tried to stay in contact, but our friendship was really over after hearing the very first comment. It just took me a while to gather the courage to do anything about it.

Janet Hughes is a playwright who lives in Princeton with her beloved cat, Marilyn from San Antonio. Her current project involves personal travel memoirs from Europe and the Middle East.