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After the Jewish Council for Public Affairs (JCPA) spent its annual plenum promoting the theme of civility in public conversations on sensitive issues like Israel and health care, local Jewish federations said they strive to set the same tone.

JCPA, the national umbrella for Jewish Community Relations Councils (JCRC), is aiming to set a "code of civility" for the Jewish community -- and ultimately all of America -- through skill-building courses teaching JCRCs and synagogues what's entailed in civil discourse, what's the right mindset for discourse, and examples of scenarios that arise in heated debates, Rabbi Steve Gutow, JCPA executive director, told The Jewish State.

In his "State of the Jewish Community Relations Community" address at the plenum, held in Dallas from Feb. 20-23, Gutow said there is a "woeful lack of civility in public conversation and debate both in America as a place for political decision and within our own community as we try and discuss our commitment and love for Israel."

Phil Cantor, former president of the Jewish Federation of Greater Middlesex County, said that "more civility is needed period," particularly in debates on health care, women's roles in the general and in Jewish communities, and synagogue relations. The county's JCRC has refocused its efforts on developing relationships "with the very large community that we live in," Cantor said, through interfaith programs and raising awareness about issues like the need for senior social services. There's no difference between a Jew, Christian, Muslim, or Hindu who needs health care, Cantor said.

"The issues that face each of us as individuals and each aspect of the community are the same issues, maybe with a little different colored shirt, that face everyone in the community," Cantor said.

Debates on sensitive issues within the Jewish community reflect the nature of such debates across America, with both sides trying to see issues as "pure black and white" with one side representing "good" and the other "evil," said Andy Frank, executive director of United Jewish Federation of Princeton Mercer Bucks.

"You can't have a debate about health care today demonizing the other side," Frank said.

Hopefully, Gutow's comments "will make people think twice about how they are presenting their ideas, how they are presenting their advocacy," Frank said. When meetings get heated, he said, there needs to be someone in the room who says "Hey, step back for a second, sit down for a second," and if it's known in advance that a controversial topic will be discussed, it's helpful to set rules to frame the conversation.

The Jewish Federation of Ocean County runs "Schmooze" discussion programs, providing forums for members of the county's diverse Jewish community -- which includes members of Beth Medrash Govoha, one of the world's largest yeshivas, who usually separate from the non-Orthodox community -- to come together and learn about one another. Larry Mandel, chair of the federation's Jewish Community Relations Council, said the Schmooze programs have been "extremely civil and respectful."

"There are times at Schmoozes when people vent their frustrations, but that's part of the point of the programs," Mandel said.

"I wanted to create a safe place where people could speak their minds," he added.

Perhaps the environment has been civil at the discussions, Mandel said, because "what we try to do in the Schmoozes is to highlight more how we are the same than how we are different."

Gutow told The Jewish State that JCRCs are "looking for a framing and a leadership from us." Gutow said he has been talking about civility since he was hired as director of JCPA "five plenums ago" in 2005, yet "it's the [current] climate that really impelled" civility to be the theme of this year's plenum. That climate includes the passion from the health care debate last fall and the "incredible tension" that erupts any time Jews talk about Israel, he said.

Jews need to live in a world where they can hear points of view on Israel from right-wing groups like the Zionist Organization of America as well as left-leaning groups like J Street, Gutow said. In his address, Gutow cited incidents like the heckling of Israeli Ambassador to the U.S. Michael Oren at the University of California-Irvine, the group Im Tirtzu publishing an advertisement in the Jerusalem Post showing the leader of the New Israel Fund, Naomi Chazan, with a horn in her head, and U.S. Rep. Joe Wilson (R-S.C.) shouting "you lie" during President Barack Obama's address to Congress as examples of how civility has been absent from public discourse in the Jewish community and in America at large.

"In our own community it is very hard to ever talk about Israel without someone from the other side shouting the speaker down, calling her names, attributing vicious epithets to the position he or she espouses," Gutow said.

"And for those of us in the field of community relations speaking civily, openly with each other about difficult issues promotes harmony and community wholeness -- klal Yisrael, which, in and of itself, is important, but there is a practical dimension to the big tent for those of us in this community -- when we agree and we can only find those areas of common agreement when we can hear each other and work out our differences -- when we know each other -- our advocacy on Israel and a whole range of other international and domestic priorities is that much more powerful and that much more effective," he said.

Civility is about how we speak, how we listen, how we act, and how we stand up to incivility, Gutow said.

Cantor said it's appropriate to criticize someone's position, but not to "call them names" and make the attack personal.

"If you want to talk about issues, talk about issues," Cantor said. "We don't have to like each other, but we certainly have to be polite to each other," he said.