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You can hardly read a newspaper these days (present company excepted) without running into a journalistic speed bump: the reporter's admission that the source of the information asked to remain anonymous. The reporter is in a quandary -- the anonymous information is the basis of the article -- no information, no story. Or at least no story worth telling. Why all these requests for anonymity? Some of the reasons, as selected from actual major newspapers, include:

--The discussions were private
--The investigation is at a delicate stage
--I am not authorized to speak publicly
--The situation is sensitive
--I am not authorized to discuss unannounced plans
--I'll be back in the mail room if my boss finds out. (OK, I made that one up)

My favorite, and the one that pretty much summarizes the others, is the request for anonymity because the source is not authorized to speak publicly. What just happened there? The speaker, despite being trusted with knowledge that was not supposed to be shared with a reporter, revealed it anyway. Never mind the trust. Maybe it made him feel powerful, or bestowed a sense of public service. Perhaps, cynically, the source was given "confidential" information for the purpose of leaking it. Hard to believe, but it could happen.

And what is a reader to make of a news story fueled by a person requesting anonymity? We have to assume that the reporter has gotten hold of a reliable source, preferably one that the reporter solicited, rather than one who called him. The source should have direct knowledge of the information that is being conveyed, not someone who overheard something at the salad bar in the department cafeteria while trying to decide between the garbanzo beans and the pickled beets. We have to trust the reporter, an editor or two, and the newspaper. Otherwise, it hardly pays to read a paper these days.

But there is another, more personal element. Let's say the information was really not meant to be released, and that it is important political, financial, or ethical information that would be repeated for a week on CNN or Fox News (depending on whom the information embarrasses). What does this do to the psyche of the person who holds the information and would give anything to be able to divulge it, but has an absolute duty not to?

"Just lie down on the couch there and get comfortable, Mr. DiLemma. That's right. Now, why have you come to see me?"

"I've been carrying this secret around, Doc, and it's been driving me crazy."

"What seems to be the problem -- the content of the secret, or having to keep it secret?"

"A little of both, I guess. It's really important that I don't tell anyone because if I do I will, um, disappear. I was told the secret under that condition. Actually, I wasn't told it, I just overheard it, but still...."

"Can't you go back to the person you heard the information from and try to work out some relief from your predicament? A time limit perhaps?"

"That's part of the problem, Doc. The person who allowed me to hear the information disappeared."

"I see. Well, could you somehow disclose the contents of the secret without being obviously responsible? You could make an anonymous phone call to a newspaper, perhaps, if it's important enough."

"Oh, it's important, all right. The media would love to have this, but the problem is I'm the only one who knows the secret -- outside the inner circle, of course -- so if it got out, they would know it was me who disclosed it. But I would really like to tell the world what it is."

"Do you know who ‘they' are, Mr. DiLemma? They might think one of them told the secret to the media."

"Oh, none of them would do that, Doctor. They just wouldn't."

"Does the secret involve the safety or welfare of other people? Or even national security?"

"I can't tell you that, Doc -- it's part of the secret. Look, I just can't stand the burden of carrying this around anymore. I can't get it out of my mind. Can you hypnotize me or something to make me forget it?"

"Well, yes, we can give that a try. Let me dim the lights. Close your eyes for a moment and relax...."

"Wake up now, Mr. DiLemma. It's all over. How do you feel?"

"I feel great... but I don't know why I'm here."

"You had a secret you couldn't bear to keep -- and you asked me to hypnotize you to make you forget it. We had quite a conversation while you were under."

"Doc, I didn't tell you the secret, whatever it was, while I was hypnotized, did I?"

"Sorry, Mr. DiLemma, I can't tell you that."

Bernard Jacks is a freelance humor writer who lives in Marlboro.