Singles Life:
Self-awareness and other advice for readers
By Dana Greene
Dear Single Situations
I am enjoying your column in The Jewish State and wanted to send you a question of my own:
I'm a type A personality, so I'm always rushing to the next adventure. To slow down, I decided to take one of the popular Yoga classes taught around town. This one by Miriam, a lovely Jewess who wanted to put her own spin on it, by teaching us a combo Yoga-Jewish meditation, where we did our exercises while repeating phrases like "Om Shalom" as mantra. There was lots of stretching and davening, and after a few weeks, we started calling the class "Hasidica Yoga" for fun.
Miriam was wonderfully funny, and when we started dating, she tried to get me to live in the present, but I was, you know, too busy. Life in the city, etc. Finally, one night she told me it was over. How? By performing a commentary she said was from the Mishnah. She pulled two pieces of paper from her pocket. On one paper she had written, "The world was created for me." On the other paper she had written, "I am nothing but dust." This was the difference between us, she explained. I didn't fully understand. But I miss her terribly.
Thanks for your advice if you can add any.
Sleepless in
Dear Sleepless in
This is not about her; it's about you. I think you're on the way to recovery by learning self-awareness. First, you need to realize your imperfection, then understand it, and finally, make steps to improve yourself. It takes discipline and hard work, but if you stick to it, your new self will experience growth. This will be reflected in happier, more meaningful and balanced relationships. At least when you can't sleep you're thinking in
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Dear Single Situations,
I enjoyed the article on "Make a Bid." My challenge is a bit different. I met my match through JDate. He's a dream and we have been seeing each other for six months. Things are starting to get serious. I'm 38 and according to his profile on JDate, he's 48. The 10-year difference did not seem to be a problem. However, I met some of his friends the other night and the conversation turned to his last birthday party (evidently quite a bash). During the conversation his real age came up. My match is 60 -- not 48 as he claimed in his profile. I'm concerned, not only with the age difference between us, but about the lie he not only told but allowed to stand, even after we started to become serious about each other. Not sure what to do, looking for direction.
Barbara the Confused
Dear Barbara,
Deceit in any shape or form is not kosher!
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Dear Single Situations,
Need advice. I have known my fiancee, Ann, since we were children. Our parents are members of the same temple and are best friends. I have rarely dated another girl, and when I turned 21 I proposed to Ann and she accepted my proposal. We are scheduled to marry next spring. A week ago, Ann brought her co-worker, Mary, home for dinner with us. From the moment I saw her I could not think of anything else. She is the opposite of Ann. Ann is beautiful -- athletic in build, dark hair and eyes and smooth olive skin. Mary has kinky red hair, white skin covered by freckles and large green eyes. But, it isn't just her features that have captivated me, it's her laugh. She throws her head back and laughs with her mouth wide open. I can't explain it, but that image haunts me. Though I have not seen her again, since dinner, I can't get her out of my mind, and I yearn to be with her. I am riddled with guilt over my feelings. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Brad,
Dear Brad,
Apart from the fact that testosterone runs rampant in a man's early 20s, it's good you found out now about your feelings, before you got married. Give yourself a chance for self-reflection before making a life-long commitment. Take your time to explore all doubts. You owe it to yourself and your future wife whoever she will be. And remember, there's no expiration date on being single!
All singles have a story to tell. Some are funny, some are sad, and some are inspirational. And all give us a glimpse into the lives of today's Jewish singles. What's your story? You can contact "Single Situations" by email: danagreene1@yahoo.com.