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In approximately six weeks we're going to receive our second daughter's bat mitzvah date. At our Temple, parents (sans kids) attend two classes before getting the date, to learn about bar and bat mitzvah practices. During these classes, we discuss some of the practical issues, like requirements the bar or bat mitzvah must complete, booking the synagogue if we plan to have the party on site, and so forth. Then the parents bring their kids in for a third class together, during which the rabbi hands each family an envelope, their magical date tucked inside. He asks families to wait to open the envelope outside the temple, but they eagerly rip open their envelopes as soon as they get them, anyway. I know all this because I've gone through the process once already with my older daughter.

There are two distinct groups of people when it comes to planning their children's b'nai mitzvah, I'm convinced. One is excited about, even looking forward to, dealing with all those small details - balloons and flowers and menu choices - that will eventually come together to create the party. They study all those details with excitement. It should go without saying, of course, that this group is very proud of their kids.

Then there is the other group - the group I fall into - the group that finds the entire party-making process exhausting, though, of course the parents in this group are equally proud of their kids.

About a year ago, at the grocery store, I bumped into a mom of a girl who had just been bat mitzvahed - only months after my own daughter's special day. It had been just a week since their bat mitzvah, and the mom was still high as a kite. "I can't wait to get my younger daughter's date!" she exclaimed. "I love making parties!"

I just shook my head and walked away, bewildered. That's the first time it dawned on me that the process might actually be fun for some people. I should make it clear to you - the day of my daughter's bat mitzvah was one of the best days of my life, and I have no doubt the day of my second daughter's bat mitzvah will be equally exciting. But the weeks and months leading up to it, deciding colors and a theme and who has an aliyah and who lights a candle, and the very worst of all - seating over one hundred people in such a way that could not offend anyone … I could skip all that.

So it's with mixed feelings that I start this journey all over again. I love the idea of my younger daughter, like her older sister, standing up on the bima, chanting her portion, and being acknowledged as a young adult. I love the rituals like the handing down of the Torah through the generations. But I wish there was a way I could skip all the effort I know I will have to exert to get to that point. I suppose it will be a little easier this time around because I've now done it once before - I know what worked and what didn't last time, what I want to change and what I will keep.

At the same time, I want to make this a memorable day for my daughter. I don't want her to feel like I feel like it's a chore, or that I don't want to do it again, or that I resent the time and money I'm going to be putting into it. And really, none of those statements would be accurate. But enjoy the party planning process itself? I still stand fully and proudly with the group of people who don't find that part pleasant, but at the same time, I most decidedly stand with all of the parents who, in the end, feel nothing but pride in our 13-year-olds on the day they become Jewish adults.

Judy Walters is a freelance writer who lives in Kendall Park. She is also a regular blogger at parentjuice.com, with the user name "Judy226". She can be reached at JWRWAND2@aol.com.