A single's lesson in motherhood
By Dana Greene
My oldest girl friend just had her first child. Being a bit curious as to this motherhood thing, while given the role of "the American Auntie," I decided to fly to
What makes this story appropriate for a Single Situations is the fact that Julie is my first girlfriend to have a baby. We met when we were 14 years old in an exchange program. My parents invited Julie for the summer, and we introduced her to the American way while her parents did the same the following year, educating me on French culture. I must admit I think I learned more the summers I spent with Julie than in any other specific period. Even as a young teenager, she was able to teach me much about life. Now she was going to teach me about motherhood.
Baby Simon arrived into this world on Jan. 2 kicking and screaming as his parents like to describe. However, three weeks later, he was still screaming. "What lungs!" I thought as I held the little guy for the first time.
Julie kept telling me it's good when the baby cries -- he is communicating with us, she said. Normally, Simon cries from 6 p.m. until midnight and then settles down for the evening with a few feedings in between.
And these feedings were a lesson on to themselves. Did you know that breast milk is healthier than industrial milk? There was so much to learn.
Another thing I learned: too much chaos, noise in the house makes for an unhappy baby. Simon needed time to rest through out the day, but that was difficult because many friends were coming to visit the new Frenchman. When Simon would cry, Julie played a special CD -- French model-turned-singer Carla Bruni sang with a soft, soothing voice. Simon would drift off to sleep almost immediately.
What else did I learn? I learned that new fathers are almost more protective toward their infant sons than mothers. When we went walking all together, the other new mother noticed Frederic's behavior. She said he reminded her of her own husband back home in
Often, Fred shared the workload by changing diapers, giving Simon baths and just being there to hold him. One evening, Julie prepared a nice dinner, but she couldn't eat because Simon was crying. Fred took the baby in his arms and wouldn't let him go for several hours. He did this to help Simon, and also to help Julie -- so that she could eat dinner with me and actually enjoy the meal.
For my female readers, does the man you're dating have it in him to be sensitive to your needs and the needs of your child? Is he father material? Will he be a good dad? I'm sure you men think the same thing: Will she be a good mother?
Another observation -- the change within the family structure. For all of Julie's life, she was the young generation, the apple of her grandparents' eyes. Now with Simon's birth, there is a fourth generation and family roles have changed. When we visited la grandmere without Simon one day, her immediate response as we were welcomed into her home was, "Where's Simon?" It wasn't, "Bonjour Dana, ca va?" Or "Hello Julie, How are you?" The now great‑grandmother's initial longing was for the newborn baby, her raison d'etre, her new reason for living.
The older generation welcomes newborns, but that's probably because they see them briefly with quick visits here and there. Generally, they don't have the parental responsibility -- no diaper duty or 3 a.m. feedings.
Another lesson in motherhood 101: careening a stroller around a busy department store. But that's a lesson for another time. For right now, at only three weeks of age, Simon is adorable -- that is, of course, when he stops crying and lets his parents -- and American auntie -- get some sleep.
All singles have a story to tell. Some are funny, some are sad, and some are inspirational. All give us a glimpse into the lives of today's Jewish singles. What's your story? You can contact Single Situations by email: danagreene1@yahoo.com.