Does Age Really Matter?

By Gail Simons
The Jewish State

My friend Alan dropped a doozy on me during dinner the other night.

I asked him where he'd been for the past several months -- we used to hang out a few times a week, and then one day he disappeared. I chalked it up to him being a busy owner of two businesses who was putting in some sweat equity to save on labor.

He paused at my question. Looked down at the table, and said, "I've been dating someone."

My mouth opened wide in shock, but nothing came out. I couldn't believe this was the same friend who had been divorced for four years and wouldn't go out on any dates or talk to any of my girlfriends that I tried to set him up with since D-day.

I recovered quickly. "Well, that's great. I'm happy for you. So... who is she? How did you meet her? What is she like? How long have you been dating?" I wanted to know everything.

"She used to work at my store."

I paused again because most of the people who work at his store are fairly young, and my friend is 36. Alan could read my puzzlement, and he proceeded with caution hoping he could somehow avoid my curiosity as he tried, without much success, to change the subject.

He knew he couldn't avoid my questions for very long, but he did manage to drag it out until the end of the evening. He finally confessed that this girl, who he has been dating, is in fact his girlfriend. And, she is only 19.

I was stunned into silence. He waited for me to say something, but what could I say? Never considered that someone close to my own age would date someone that much younger -- let alone 17 years younger! I didn't want to pass judgment on his situation.

I've asked other people their thoughts on the subject of dating someone so much younger.

Lila commented, "A significant age difference would not be a problem; however, the age of each person in the relationship is the issue. A 19-year-old is still maturing and at a much different life stage than someone in their 30s or older. It is not fair to judge the love, commitment, and intentions of the individual parties involved in a relationship, but it sure makes you wonder how ethical it is. I wouldn't advise it, or if I had children I wouldn't want my own daughter or son to be involved in a similar situation."

I agree with Lila, the age difference isn't so much of an issue as the actual age of each person in the relationship. There are plenty of 20-somethings dating older people. Not that we should look at the Hollywood stars as role models, but Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have a significant age gap and he was 25 when they met.

When I asked my friend Henry what he thought of the situation, he seemed a little angry.

"It's not right. He has no business dating a girl so young. She's naïve and doesn't realize what she's doing. I think the guy is taking advantage of her."

I understand Henry's protective nature since he has two younger sisters, but I'm not sure if Alan is using or emotionally abusing his girlfriend in any way. I sincerely believe he cares for her very much.

In my friend Alan's situation, I can see what makes a young girl become attracted to an older man: he's mature, successful, owns his own home, and has a nice car. Most of the kids her age are living at home, starting college, and just finding themselves.

But when I went home that night, thoughts of dating someone so much younger consumed me. I couldn't imagine dating a 19-year-old young man or even one who was 21. How would I remotely have anything in common with a guy so young? Wouldn't he want to party and learn about careers when I'm now a home-body and into my career?

Would he still live with his parents and need me to support our dates? I tried to imagine myself in a similar type of relationship, but for me, all I could think of was too many negative situational issues that I could not work out.

So: does a tremendous age difference really matter when you're looking for a relationship, not just someone to have fun with? I will have to leave that question for you to figure out.

Email any questions or comments to Single Status, at Simons35@hotmail.com.