By Gail Simons

Special to The Jewish State
 

The grey sky and light rain was the perfect backdrop for late afternoon as I returned home from my friend’s husband’s funeral. Funerals are never happy occasions, but, somehow, when the deceased person’s life is cut short, it seems all the more tragic.

My friend, Sue, buried her husband of just 10 months. He was only 33 years old. When they married this past year, he had been in remission from a previous battle of cancer, but shortly after they returned from their honeymoon, it had returned.

Sue was an old friend from temple, and now she is a widow. We met years ago during the High Holy Day services. She and her two sisters sat behind my two sisters and me in the way back of the shul, and they would snicker at our whispered bickering during services. When we were shooed out into the hallway for breaks, they would follow us and we formed an instant camaraderie.

We lost touched for a while during our high school years when they switched temples and we went to different schools. Occasionally, we would run into each other. Once we all returned after college we became reacquainted through the Jewish singles scene when we attended a singles’ Shabbat dinner.

Last year, Sue told me she had met a fabulous Jewish man, and I couldn’t have been happier for her. It isn’t easy being single, going out on one unsuccessful date after another. We commiserated often on the phone, trading good and bad dating stories. It was nice to know she got engaged.

My tears flowed uncontrollably at the funeral, and I guess it surprised my boyfriend that I was so overwhelmed with grief. Although I didn’t know the deceased well, I was profoundly touched by his loss. Afterward, my boyfriend asked me why I had been so affected by my Sue’s husband’s death. In fact, we only went out on a double date once and then the next time we saw them was at their wedding.

He wondered if my sadness was for my friend, her husband, or me (meaning my personal loss). When he asked if I was sad for myself, he meant, was I sad for the loss of my future for love? 

I told him it was neither. I was genuinely devastated for my friend and sad for her husband. Didn’t he understand that we had been in the dating trenches together?  And, hey — you look out for your friends. And when a friend finds a wonderful, sincere, Jewish guy, you only want them to have the best. You wish for their love to continue and to flourish. I envisioned being in a relationship and doing couples things and growing older with them.

I feel my friend’s loss. It took her many years to find such a fantastic man and now, in her late 30s, when she finally did, he was taken away from her in a snap. It makes me wonder, will she find love again a second time around?

As the rain slowed down to a stop and I glanced out the window, I noticed a rainbow. I'm reminded of hope and a promise that tomorrow will be a new day. I do realize that in the near future, although it’s too soon to speak of it now, there is hope for Sue to once again find love and happiness.