Singles Life:
Message from the clothes on the front lawn
by Dana Greene
September 26, 2008
"The differences between men and women are vast," Uncle John says. "We really speak different languages."
Uncle John is really not my uncle. In truth, he was one of my father's best buddies from university days who never had his own kids. And so about once a year since my brother and I were born, Uncle John, who lives in
Last year, he attended my father's 60th to roast him, but he also made time to wash my car and show me the finer points of waxing turtle goo on my Celica -- as if a Jewish girl is going to do that regularly.
Why am I discussing Uncle John? Well besides being funny, capable in the kitchen and a great attorney, he's also twice married, and now looking for companionship. After reading a few of my columns, Uncle John wanted to share his perspective on relationships hoping that we all won't make his same mistakes.
He was dating her for a year or so. She was convinced he was being unfaithful. She, in various ways, tried to provoke a confrontation, a confession from him. He was innocent, but he was also annoyed at her constant questioning and lack of trust. Finally, he had an unexplained absence. He didn't want to give her the satisfaction of discussing her irrational fears. She confronted him and he withdrew. Unresolved conflict caused her frustration to grow. Finally, one day when she knew he was coming over to her home, she dumped all his clothes on the front lawn. (He wasn't living with her; when you spend time with someone, things accumulate.)
He pulled up in the driveway and saw his clothing just lying there on the grass. What did he do? He picked up his belongings, dumped them in his car and when he was about to drive away, she came out and got in his way. She was trying to provoke a reaction.
She shouted, yelled, and caused a scene. Again, the more she reacted, the less he reacted. "Men become distant when you try to change them," Uncle John explained. "Men and women are different. Women can't expect men to react the way they want them to. The converse is also true. We all need to go with the flow by trying to respect each others differences."
"If expectations are not being met in relationships," Uncle John says, "take a step back. Become more objective. Don't try to drag your needs out of the other person."
In the end, he and his girlfriend reconciled. However, the reconciliation lasted only a month or two. The relationship was doomed because she was constantly on him. And he just wasn't going to take it anymore. "I think if you analyze breakups, they occur with this same pattern, over and over again," Uncle John said.
What do we do about it? I asked him. His response: "Some people learn to adjust to the realities of the situation, and other people walk away."
Over the years, Uncle John has shared his wisdom, sometimes his philosophical view on life, and sometimes, as in this column, he shares his own personal dating experience with all of us. Uncle John, now it's time for you to take your own advice. Go meet that special woman, who as a prerequisite, will lovingly want to attend Greene family events as well.
All singles have a story to tell. Some are funny, some are sad and some are inspirational. And all give us a glimpse into the lives of today's Jewish singles. What's your story? You can contact "Single Situations" by e-mail: danagreene1@yahoo.coml.com.